Darling let's do lunch!

It was humid and the sun was on its best performance. I sat and waited. And waited. As I turned around for the fifth time, I saw my subject; Alexander William Nicholas Hawings-Byass. As the man with the name of someone royal approached, he rubbed his tired eyes. It was clear he had just got out of bed.

There are many students whose story should be told about how to go about first year. Alex’s is one of how not to!

Age 19 and a Pom, Mr. Hawings-Byass decided to attend Rhodes University in 2008, because it “provided a good education. I didn’t expect much from a South African University, but was pleasantly surprised.” On the contrary however; he continued with, “I expected to party… And get a degree.”

We sat at the prime meeting spot on campus; the Kaif, and talked about every possible questionable choice he has made this year. His “laid back” attitude was reflected in his wearing of a pair of aviator Rayban sunglasses and a Rhodes Jersey. His fluffy whipped mane shone in the sunlight and the stubble on his chin confirmed he hadn’t touched a razor for a couple of days.
An average day for Alex consists of a shower ( I’m pleased to announce) followed by being clothed, a quick check in the mirror, then the odd stroll to a lecture, lunch, watching an episode of whatever he hasn’t seen, supper and then finally pre-drinking. “I go to about four lectures per week, one practical and two tutorials. Whatever is the minimal.” His subjects are suffering the consequences. He’s enrolled for Art History, Philosophy, Geography and Classics. As the first three are doing alright, the last, Classics has yet to be passed. “I wish I had gone to lectures. I have to pass Classics somehow.”

His partying habits are bad and frequent. Going out five times a week, means more time catching up on sleep and thus affecting his lecture attendance. He starts with pre-drinking in res and then moves on to the usual; “Union, Rat and Friars”. He claims his biggest mistake is drinking and talking. “A word of advice to all first years, don’t drink and talk!”
Talking about talking, Alex is a smooth talker; a charmer and an ultimate ladies man. Referred to as the “Chuck Bass” of Rhodes, Mr. Hawkings-Byass has had countless encounters with the older women of Rhodes. “I like older women” he says plain and simply. “South African girls are modest. I like that!”

If his partying habits and lecture attendance are not enough, his spending habits will surely do. On first look, one wouldn’t expect him to be a spender, but Alex handles the small allowance he receives per month rather well. R5000 is his little budget. I nearly fell over backwards when I heard those four digits being uttered out of his mouth. “I didn’t think I would be able to manage with only that when I first came to Rhodes, but I’m managing alright”. He spends most of his money on alcohol and food. “I get take -aways three times a week, and pre-drinking costs a lot”. A fan of popular food locations in town, Alex spends most of his meal times at either Juice bar or Steers. “I can’t live without either of them”. Another cost factor in Alex’s budget is petrol. Often too lazy to walk home, or down to town, he pays petrol money for Piet; a res mate, to transport him. Food bribes are frequently involved as well.

After careful evaluation, I am surely convinced that Alex is a prime candidate for how not to go about first year. He parties way too much. Barely spends more than ten minutes at his desk; and that’s just to check his Facebook profile, hardly knows what subjects he’s enrolled in and eats far too much take-out! What I have also concluded however is that Alex is another Guy Butler legend. Yes, I’m afraid I am saying this, but he has gone above and beyond doing everything that every Rhodes student would love to do, but just don’t have the guts to do-or daddy’s bank account to rely on. He’s happy at Rhodes! And although he may wish he had done certain things differently, he has done one thing right- and that is shown first year students what to avoid!

Check out his profile page on Facebook to explore more of his eccentric behavior!
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1629030040&ref=ts